Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize