in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
