dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
