Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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