she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
