Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Randomize
