Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
