im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
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