I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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