Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
