this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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