i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
The uberlube is also flammable
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
