It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Randomize
