This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Please don't give away my fajitas
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