There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
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