you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
