I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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