you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
