I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
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