As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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