awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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