he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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