What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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