this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
