I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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