Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
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