How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Randomize
