did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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