I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
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