kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
