i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
Randomize
