Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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