Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Someone shattered a urinal.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I have tasted many bathrooms
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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