Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
