Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
