True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
