she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
