Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
