goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Randomize
