tell your sister to shave her snatch
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
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