Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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