Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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