Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
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Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
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