I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Randomize
