Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Randomize
