I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
