Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize