the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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