It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize