I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
