Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
