this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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