i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
