Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Just high enough for therapy.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
