I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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