If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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