We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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