11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
I wear drunk well.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
