Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
he puts the penis in happiness.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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