Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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