i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
