If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
