you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
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