I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
