Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
