alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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