i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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