I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize